'The streets of London are paved with gold!' cried Dick Whittington, a delusional but socially mobile 14th-century pauper-turned-mayor.
Bilfinger Berger, the manufacturers of large holes (which allegedly come with optional tramlines on top), reckon that the streets of Edinburgh are paved with red faces and red tape, lots of it.
In Balado, home of T in the Park 2012 (Scotland’s biggest music festival), it turned out the streets weren’t paved at all. In fact, all we saw underfoot was mud, mud and more mud. Band bassist Iain MacPhail gives the behind-the-scenes low-down on last weekend's shin-deep celebrations.
[img_assist|nid=3181|title=Bboys: Uti & Bilal Oussellam (left & centre); Matt Foster (right) regrets ever having entered a portaloo barefoot|desc=|link=node|align=right|width=476|height=640]This was particularly bad news for one of Whisky Kiss’s breakdancers, Matt Foster. Whisky Kiss were performing 3 sets this year, and Matt had turned up at the festival wearing pristine white trainers, presumably not having noticed the media coverage of the mudbath or the constant rain that has affected Scotland since 16 March this year.
Matt’s a really cool guy, one of life’s deeper thinkers, and admirably he stuck to his instinctive mantra of 'When faced with adversity, the first thing that comes into your head is probably the best solution'. The first thing that had come to him was 'Take your shoes off'. And so he did, going barefoot for his whole T in the Park experience, saving the precious white footwear for when we went on-stage, brave boy (see below).
Matt was later seen in deep conversation with the Highland Hotties (our fabulous Highland dancers – serious ladies who enjoy a pamper session). He was telling them how good the festival mudbath had been as a pedicure. So, that’s our Top TITP Tip for next year, ladies: Ditch the wellies, pack the Jimmy Choos, and go barefoot between tents and stages ... you’ll save a fortune at One Spa.
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This was the 4th year in a row we'd been invited to perform at T in the Park. It is always an honour, and hopefully a testament to the quality of our music and show that such a big event has consistently liked what we do. It’s a real highlight in our annual calendar, and we look forward to it immensely.
[img_assist|nid=3185|title=Phenomenally talented and pink Nicola Benedetti|desc=|link=node|align=right|width=228|height=640]We’ve made a conscious effort to build our show over time, to change and refresh it from year to year. That process culminated this year when we took our 5-piece band, DJ, 4 Highland Hotties (dancers) and 3 breakdancers. It was the best show we'd ever taken to the festival, and we were thrilled to be given 3 slots, with the preceding act (we hesitate to call her a 'support act') being a genuine national treasure, the phenomenally talented classical violinist Nicola Benedetti. These are real salad days for Whisky Kiss, and we’ve gathered a team of great characters who are dedicated to their art, who are just lovely people, team players, and take nothing for granted - we’re all lapping it up and enjoying every minute at present.
The show begins with the band and DJ creating the 'soundtrack', mashing up classic dance grooves (like Billie Jean, Stayin Alive, Open Your Mind) and then subtly weaving in some of the finest underground folk tunes from the Highlands, courtesy of our talented twosome of Siobhan Anderson (22, from Killin, on fiddle) and Ewan Duncan (21, from Newtonmore, on pipes and whistles). These two have got the look, got the talent, and got the right touch for everything we're doing – they're a joy to work with on these big events!
Once the tunes are going, we then bring on the breakdancers, who throw their incredible moves and athletic, balletic shapes onto the dancefloor. At T in the Park we’d cordoned off part of the stage as the dancefloor, so that it was free of mud, people and inteference. It worked really well.
Once the breakdancers have strutted their stuff (4 minutes tops per set, as their full-on performance is exceptionally tiring and physical work), we then bring on the Highland Hotties. The girls give a demonstration of Highland dancing to our modernised soundtrack. Finally, we let the crowd know they’ve seen the boys, they’ve seen the girls, now it’s time for a Boys vs Girls 'battle'.
The boys line up on one side, the girls on the other, and take turns to outgun each other with their moves. It works a real treat and our team are first class at what they do.
The Highland Hotties gathered the biggest cheer of the day (not that the band or Bboys were in any way offended or determined to hold a grudge). We were really pleased for them because our usual Queen Bee (the leader of the Hotties, Rachel McLagan) is out of action for a while, having had to undergo some surgery after carrying an injury and taking painkillers for the past 18 months. We wish Rachel well in her recovery.
[img_assist|nid=3186|title=Jo McDowell (left) and soon-to-be-gutted hair icon Scotty Arnott|desc=|link=node|align=right|width=542|height=640]In Rachel’s absence, one of the girls, Brogan Bauld was making her official debut with us (more on that below). Another, Shelly Chalmers, was making her first appearance since injuring herself spectacularly and somewhat fabulously at a Whisky Kiss gig in Manhattan. That night (for the star-studded Tartan Day Parade After Party in Chelsea), Shelley had been dancing off against the world champion breakdancers, the Brooklyn Bboys. She’s a pocket dynamo blonde bombshell from Dundee, and in the dance-offs we love her because she’ll take no prisoners. That night in Chelsea she’d put so much into the performance that she’d somehow (a) broken her ankle and (b) been totally unaware of that fact till she stopped!
As if that wasn’t enough, to guarantee legendary status, Shelley’s next question was simply 'Ooya! It’s a bit sore, but do you think I’ll still be able to get my high heels on tonight? We’re still going to Times Square aren’t we?' She is – quite simply – one of our own!
All these injury stories make it sound a bit like our Highland Hotties are worse than footballers in terms of being struck down, but it’s really not that bad. I suppose you have to watch with this blogging thing, too, as loose sentences like that last one can be pounced upon and taken out of context by unscrupulous tabloids. Thankfully, we trust the Broughton Spurtle not to run with a headline like 'HOTTIES "WORSE THAN FOOTBALLERS" SAYS WHISKY KISS SUPREMO'.
Main thing was, though, that Shelley’s comeback gig went really well, and the girls generated the biggest cheer of the weekend on our Creative Scotland Kaleidoscope Stage (getting a bigger roar than even La Benedetti). We would certainly love to be back next year.
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Three noteworthy events to mention. First, as Scotland’s premier and possibly only true-glamour ceilidh outfit, it was only right that we should travel in style. We hired Scotland’s biggest limo (for the second year running) from the folk at Clyde Valley Limos. Last year the Spurtle was caught in a bit of corporate crossfire when we revealed on these very pages that Whisky Kiss had pipped Beyoncé Knowles to this prestigious and sought-after limo for our ride to T in the Park. We exclusively revealed that she had had to settle for a Parks of Hamilton bus instead (which is officially a confirmed true story), uh oh uh oh uh oh etc.
Some readers may remember that Parks of Hamilton subsequently contacted the Spurtle to confirm the story, but also to complain that Beyonce had not had 'any ordinary bus hire'. A little unnecessarily (and counter-productively in our view), they went on to say that Mrs Jay-Z had in fact travelled on none other than the official Glasgow Rangers team bus! As if that made a big difference. In fact, it led only to a glorious pundown, with local wags accusing Beyoncé of being a high-street Hunny amongst other things. Anyway, this year the Main Stage acts at TITP were obviously avid Spurtle readers and running scared ... we booked the limo at the last minute and it was still available. If you like it, then you should’ve put a violin in it! But many thanks to Clyde Valley Limos – they're brilliant!
[img_assist|nid=3183|title=Olympian guest in legendary limo – Sinead Kerr giving it wellie|desc=|link=node|align=right|width=559|height=640]This year we were honoured to be joined on our guestlist by an Olympic athlete, Sinead Kerr. Sinead (and her brother John) are simply sensational. They represented the UK at the 2006 and 2010 Winter Olympics in the ice dancing, are British champions and the best ice dancers this country has seen since Torville and Old Whatsisname. John and Sinead used a piece of Scottish music that I made with a previous band at the 2006 Winter Olympics, a really proud moment. The live audience they got (of 2.2 billion) remains uncontested as the largest global audience for a piece of Scottish music, and we’ve remained firm friends ever since. Sinead even brought her dad along to enjoy TITP – an amazing man – and we had a huge amount of fun with them in the limo and across the festival day.
[img_assist|nid=3184|title=Festival gigs ... all about reaching out to new audiences|desc=|link=node|align=right|width=481|height=640]The second noteworthy incident happened when I saw a guy in a gimpsuit and mask in our tent as we were loading-in. I went over to see if he was there for Whisky Kiss (always pays to know what you’re up against) and to my surprise and delight (the delight being tempered by what he was wearing, I admit) he said 'Yes!, adding 'I’m getting married in October, this is my stag do and you’re the band we’ve booked for our wedding.'
And finally, I’d mentioned that TITP12 would see the debut of our newest Highland Hottie Brogan Bauld. Brogan did a great job, winning the best hair award (trumping drummer Scotty Arnott, who was gutted to lose out again). Better still, Brogan had been at the festival all weekend as a punter, before turning out for us. So on her wrist she had not one but 2 wristbands which, taken together, produced the message CAMPER PERFORMER. We surmised that she had figured us out right away, and we reckon she’ll go far ...
Our three performances all went down really well, and we caught the limo home with no casualties and just a lot muddier than how we’d begun the day. We hope you’ve enjoyed following our progress in the last 2 blogs and hope you can join us over the Edinburgh Festival.
[You can catch Whisky Kiss next in the EDINBURGH FESTIVAL on FRIDAY 10 AUGUST at the wonderful HMV PICTURE HOUSE on Lothian Road. Tickets to the 3-hour show (which features the Highland Hotties and breakdancers) are on sale now here.]
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