Summer is here and the Festival is upon us.
Soon the lanyard brigade will be strutting around like they own the place. We’ll be swamped by happy tourists whose faces turn sour when they see the rubbish, can't make fun of the trams, get pecked by gulls and drenched by the rain.
Soon the pavements will be clogged with over-enthusiastic snappers trying to take selfies on their oversized iPads with the castle or a faunlike bagpipe-playing man in the background.
Soon we’ll all be stuck going round and round on the Festival Wheel, or waiting in a queue for a Fringe show about waiting in a queue for a Fringe show.
I love the summer in Edinburgh. Here are some Broughton-related semi-digested musings to help get you through it.
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Having enjoyed the lovely weather over the past month, what I could really have done with was an ice cream. Where has that blasted ice cream van gone which was stalking our streets all winter?
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When will people stop taking photos of the trams? Surely the novelty has worn off by now?
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To the woman in the soft-top who parked outside the front door of Tesco’s, blocking all access so she could go and buy a Lottery ticket: I hope you found karma when your car broke down and you had to call the RAC. Next time, try the car park.
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To Tesco’s: Why didn't you do anything about the woman in the soft-top who parked outside the front entrance and blocked the doors and continued to do so when the RAC turned up to fix her car? Out of all the signs you have up, surely there must be one that says ‘Don’t park here’ or ‘Please use official parking spaces’?
And while we’re at it, why do you sell burnt rolls at full price? If you make a mistake and burn them, shouldn't they be discounted?
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If you’re too busy to shower during the Festival, then Poundland in the St James Centre is the place for you. You can purchase an anti-perspirant there which provides 96-hour protection. I kid you not.
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Having stood outside this garage door on East Scotland Street Lane for one minute, I can confirm that only 23 hours and 59 minutes’ access is required. It may be less but I couldn’t be bothered waiting to find out. Perhaps the wording should be changed to: ‘We require access at various points throughout the day, so would you be kind enough not to block the gate, please?’
